It has been many years since I have thought about my time
at the family school (hence forth abbreviated as FFS), perhaps because
it's unpleasant to think of it or perhaps because I some how can not
remember all of it. I attended from August 8, 2002 until August 4,
2004, which were from the ages of 13 to 15. I think that such a time is
difficult for any adolescent and that environment heavily influences
development during those years. That being said, the way in which I
believe I was abused most, is not physical, but mental and emotional. I
was impressionable, confused and unstable, which was only exacerbated
by the influx of messages about myself, the world, and how I belonged
in society.
In order to provide a more comprehensive view of the way in which these
"messages" impacted me, I think it is necessary to state my reasons for
being at FFS. My parents were divorcing and my mother had cancer, so my
parents wanted me to be in a situation where I could be cared for and
stable. Prior to their divorce and during my mother's cancer I had been
diagnosed with bulimia. I was the prescribed anti depressants, which
made me exhibit symptoms of Bi-Polar disorder; this combination of
factors made FFS appealing for my parents. After I left, I asked why
they chose FFS and my mother explained that the information provided by
the school was grossly inaccurate and that during my stay the FFS staff
did not report my problems.
The FFS claims to be able to treat addictions, learning disabilities,
eating disorders and behavioral issues, through the 12 steps of AA and
counseling. However, when I attended they did not recognize my learning
disabilities nor provide counseling. The FFS also had me involved in
and learn about A.A., when I was not diagnosed or pronounced an addict
or alcoholic. They also are a "school", not a treatment center, so has
no documents of treating me for addiction, yet is able to "treat
addicts".
I did not receive psychiatric care from any outside professional and
the school psychiatrist took me off medication entirely. When I acted
out: cutting, running away, screaming and crying, etc. instead of being
provided with psychiatric help, a therapist or conversation with staff
about my problems, I was punished. My mother told the school about my
eating disorder, yet they still punished me with food sanctions (eating
only dry tuna on a english muffin) and forced labor, thus I lost 35-40
pounds in 3 months and continued to act out in order to keep loosing
weight. I became 98 pounds at 5'3" and lost my period for 6 months, yet
was not allowed to go see a GYN. doctor (it took my mother visiting and
scheduling an appointment without the school.) I am asthmatic and was
told I was "faking it" (By staff in Family 7) after being made to run
up and down 2 flights of stairs with a bag full of text books. I also
got asthma from having to paint walls during work sanction. I was put
on a sanction (disciplinary measure) in which I was not allowed to
speak until spoken to, not even to use the bathroom and people had the
right to ignore me. This sanction meant that I was constantly unable to
go to the bathroom unless someone acknowledged me, so on three
occasions I urinated on myself, after having to hold it for 4 hours. I
was told that I had peed to be defiant and inconvenience other
students. The no speaking sanction also meant that I could not ask for
water, even during work sanctions of carrying buckets of rocks or a
cinder block, in the heat. I was not allowed to drink and was severely
dehydrated numerous times.
At the risk of being too lengthy, I will stop addressing physical abuse
and try to convey the emotional trauma I endured. I was repeatedly told
that I had caused my mother's cancer and father's divorce through my
behavior; that I am a liar, cheat, manipulator, pervert, sinner, sex
fiend, callous and evil. The FFS had other students address me as such
and state their grievances against me. I had to state " Hi, my name is
Brianna and I will manipulate you, beware." These sanctions came from
me doing things like cutting myself or threatening to cut myself until
I spoke with my mother or a doctor. Instead of allowing me to do
either, I was locked in a 6x6 room, with moldy carpets, in a t-shirt
and gym shorts and had my arms wrapped in a pillow case and bound with
duct-tape and then bound together. This room was air conditioned and
had a bright light, so that I could not sleep and was freezing. My arms
were tapped so tightly that when it was removed the following day I had
multiple bruises. On another occasion when I was cutting myself, staff
made two students sit with me. Staff told them to ignore me, even if I
was bleeding and to not do anything until I stopped cutting. I cut
myself for 3 hours straight, hoping that this would make staff let me
talk to my mother or a doctor. The staff would not take me to the nurse
so I got an infection in my arm.
So, back to emotional abuse, instead of being on no speaking until
spoken to, my family leader Mike Lossico, told my family to completely
ignore me (SHUN me) and made me stand out in a hall during both the
winter and summer, this was because my mother had decided to transfer
me to a private,less restrictive school. Mike Lossico told my family
(unit of students) that my mother was sending me to a lock down
facility, because the school could not help someone "hopeless" like
me.I was entirely ignored, silent and doing manual labor on and off for
2 years, during which time I was also restrained and bruised.
So, that was my experience; I do not blame the family school for my
life subsequent, nor do I deny the positive experience had by other
students. I simply stated what I could remember, so that prospective
parents are aware and so that others, who shared in the struggle, know
they were not alone.